Cozzens Clan: May 2012

Well we are in the midst of intense sleep deprivation. I thought I knew what tired was with just one newborn baby...but two? That is just ridiculous. Plus, it's not like I can nap with a 4 and 2 year old to take care of also. Needless to say, we've been watching lots of movies and I've had lots of help from my mom and mother in law (Thank God for them!!) One nice thing about this not being my first rodeo is that I do realize this stage is temporary, and the twins will eventually sleep through the night. And that night couldn't come soon enough!

I'm still having issues with breastfeeding the twins. Jaxson still doesn't seem to have the stamina to take in a full feeding, although he seems to be getting better. It's frustrating to spend so much time feeding him and then to have to follow up with a bottle (and feed Zane and then pump afterwards!) I feel like I have my boobs out all day long sometimes! (Sorry, TMI I'm sure!!) I'm still trying to balance everything without completely making myself a mental case. For now I'm trying to set small goals, like right now I'm trying to make it to 2 months breastfeeding, because it seems like even with Tiernan and Cameron it took that long for it to become easier. I was able to nurse the older boys until almost a year with each of them, so I struggle with not making it that long, like I'm failing them or something stupid. Like it's the worst thing in the entire world for them to have a bottle. Darn that Mommy guilt!

Anyway, I'm sure you really care about all of that, but I did want to somewhere keep a record of everything that's been going on, so when, not if, I have amnesia about this time of life (I'm not sure how in the world that might happen!!) I'll have some way to remind myself how glorious this time was-ha!

Here are some pictures of the boys' first baths:

Zane was not excited about looking at the camera, apparently. He loved his bath, even the very first time-that is amazing-none of the other boys liked theirs at first.

All cozy in his towel

Love that crazy hair

Jaxson did okay until we soaped him up-the bottom picture must have been taken right before he started screaming

Looks a little possessed, doesn't he??

Getting kisses from older brother

Some close-ups of the boys....Jaxson is on top and Zane is under

Funny that they are both holding their arms the same way

This is Tiernan-who do you think he looks like?

And here's Cameron-same question....

We welcomed Jaxson Samuel and Zane Micah into the world April 13, 2012! I wrote before about my pre-term labor issues-well I was able to keep those lil' babies in until 37 weeks, 1 day (barely-I was dilated to a 5 at my last checkup.) Jaxson (Baby A) was breech and Zane (Baby B) was transverse so I had to have a scheduled c-section. I was so apprehensive about this procedure, and really bummed that I didn't get to have a "normal" labor experience. I think I was mostly worried about the unknown, and, as usual, women always tell horror stories about the recovery....but obviously I wanted my babies to be safe and healthy, so that's what I had to do! There were some things that were really nice-I didn't have to go through the whole labor process-no pain before, and the whole process took like 30 minutes! But it was weird to know ahead of time their birthdays and I had time to worry and stress that things weren't going to go okay! The babies ended up being born at 8:58 and 8:59 AM-came out screaming like crazy. It was so weird to not be able to see what was going on (not that I'd want to see my stomach being sliced open) and to just see them for the first time held up over the blue sheet. But tears streamed down my face when I heard their sweet cries for the first time!!

The next part was really scary. Mostly for Ethan: they took me away to the recovery area so thankfully I didn't have to experience the babies not being able to breathe, and the Drs. and nurses putting all kinds of tubes and wires all over my tiny babies! Both of them had to be placed on oxygen, but only for 24 hours, and then they were able to breathe on their own, praise the Lord.

The next week or so was spent frustratingly trying to get them to eat on their own. I was so stubborn at first. I didn't want them to have bottles under any circumstance because I was just sure that they wouldn't want to breastfeed. The problem was that they were so tiny they got too tired to breastfeed, so they had to be fed through feeding tubes. Also, they kept losing weight, and since they were only 5 lbs to begin with, there just wasn't much to lose!

So eventually I gave in, and let them have bottles of pumped milk. They both finally were able to have their feeding tubes removed, and we were slated to be discharged-yay!
The night before we were supposed to leave the hospital (finally!) Zane spiked a fever of 102. The Dr. came in to talk to us, and I was panic-stricken! She was so concerned because usually teeny babies don't have fevers unless it's something really bad. The biggest concern was meningitis (a bacterial infection) so they had to do a spinal tap on my tiny baby. The tears just started coming and coming. I was so worried about Zane-I couldn't believe the bigger baby, and the one who was a great eater was now the one we were worried about! So off he went into isolation-back onto an IV, back onto all the monitors....and we had to wear gloves and masks if we wanted to see him. We were so thankful to God that the fever only happened that night, and after putting tons of antibiotics and running lots of tests (which all came back negative), Zane was able to leave the hospital after an additional 6 days.

I have to say that this experience of staying at the hospital that long was one of the harder things I've had to do. I already had missed out on the bigger boys after being on bedrest, and now I had to miss them for two more weeks! We once again had to rely on others to help us out-what a humbling experience! And on top of that, since I was breastfeeding and pumping at the hospital, I didn't get any sleep because I was constantly making trips down to the nursery to feed the babies or drop off milk, or just check up on whoever was in there. Also, we got SO frustrated at all the different opinions we'd get from all the different nurses, Drs., and lactation specialists. Needless to say, we were SOOO ready to be out of there, and even more thankful that those babies stayed in as long as they did, because I cannot even fathom being in there for weeks or months!

I'll write more later about adjusting to life with twins, but I wanted to get these up since I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to do that! I once again want to thank everyone for their continued support and prayers-we couldn't do this without you!